Ba Humbug…

I don’t know what it is but I’m just not feeling the Christmas spirit this year and I’m not sure why. Is it just me? I know it isn’t anything that is going on in my life. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier at this time of the year. I have my health, have been eating well, working out, and at 41, can still see my abs! My kids are smart, funny and are living fun, exciting, and adventurous lives. I am truly madly, crazy, insanely, and desperately in love with someone and she feels the same way. I have an amazing job, working with some of the smartest people on the planet and when I’m not traveling to beautiful campuses throughout the country, I’m sitting in my PJs at home working on a 30-inch Apple Display. I have nothing to complain about, and in fact haven’t felt this good about my life in a really long time.

It’s just that last year all my Christmas shopping was done by now. This year I haven’t even put my shopping list together yet. Last year I went to five or six Christmas parties, or what we now refer to as the “year end gathering.” This year I avoided all of them. Last year I ordered a whole bunch of cool personalized Starbucks gift cards and by now had mailed them out with the cool Christmas cards it took me two hours to pick out in Target. This year, I still haven’t bought the cards and everyone is going to get my card late, if I send them out at all. Last year I knew exactly what to get everyone in my life. I put things in frames, I made things, I ordered things weeks before. This year, I’m just not feeling it.

I don’t know why I feel this way so I thought I’d explore the possibilities…

Is it because Christmas came early this year? Doesn’t it feel like Thanksgiving was a week ago? How long do you think we can move at the speed we do today? The months feel like they are jetting by at warp speed. We are getting better at doing twice what we did ten years ago but at what price? It’s completely ok today to read and answer 200 emails. It’s completely ok today to work from 7:00 till 9:00, eat a cup of yogurt, go to bed and wake up at 5:00 AM to hit the spin class. Are we moving so fast that we are forgetting what it’s like to breath or just be board? When was the last time you went to a mall to just brose? If feels like everything we do has to have a purpose. When was the last time you “went for a drive” or just walked out of your house with no destination in mind? How are we ever going to be creative if our minds are never at rest to just wander and self discover?

Is it because of the economic environment we are currently in? Millions of Americans are losing their jobs, their homes, their savings, and their retirement funds. Maybe it just doesn’t feel right going out and buying the “ Commemorate legendary Yankee Stadium with this limited edition print signed by Yogi Berra” for $799.00 or “the Sanctuary from Bluelounge that conceals 11 built-in connectors and one USB port” for $129.00 (I randomly selected these items from the Skymall magazine from the seat pocket in front of me.) Maybe it’s just harder now to shop for people. I mean what is the perfect gift for someone who just lost his or her entire savings, or their home, or their job? A bag of groceries? A really cool piggy bank? Something just doesn’t feel right about going out and buying crap when the world is in the state that it’s in right now.

Speaking of crap, is it because there is just way too much crap in the world? With the current state of our environment, you really have to ask yourself, was all the damage we did to the planet really worth making hundreds of thousands of the 8-inch ceramic “Mexican taking a siesta next to a cacti” statue? I walk through a store and think about that when I see rows and rows of just pure crap. Dollar stores were born because we have way too much crap. Dollar stores are the bottom of the barrel of the crap we have but you don’t have to go into a dollar store to see what I’m talking about. Eighty-five percent of the retail stores in this country sell “absolutely pure non-essential unnecessary” crap. The Holy Grail example of this is Sharper Image. There is absolutely nothing in that store that you need. World Market is an example of a place that sells things you might need, like a small sofa couch for your tiny apartment, but also sells crap you absolutely do not need, like the African art piece that was mass produced somewhere in Tennessee or China. By the way, if you buy that “piece of art” in World Market, is it really a piece of art if there are 560,000 just like it? Then you have stores like Target, the ultimate blend of things you need (groceries, pillow cases, and laundry detergent) and things you don’t need (candle holders, plastic flowers, and mass produced pictures of Elvis Presley holding a Coke can).

Is it because I’m done with the whole Christmas set up and scam? Even though Christmas feels like it came quick this year, marketers started selling us Christmas the day after Halloween! In some cases, I saw the decorations going up a few days before Halloween. Christmas has become the make it or break it for the economy and that is sad, not to mention dangerous. Are we saying the entire state of our economy now rests on how much crap we buy and sell each other? Is that what it has come down to? Remember when we used to make things and sell them to other countries?

Not to mention the falseness of the entire season. I love getting shit from dumb asses because I live in Arizona. “I don’t know how you celebrate Christmas without the winter, or the cold, or the snow,” they say. “I could never do that. Christmas is supposed to be celebrated with cold weather and if you’re lucky, you get snow!” they tell me. I have to remind them that 90% of the Christian world celebrates the birth of Christ in warm weather. I remind them that all of the southern United States, Central America, all of South America celebrates Christmas when it’s at least 65 degrees (and I believe there quite a few Latinos who are Christen. I remind them that it’s warm in most of the Middle East and hot in the entire continent of Africa. I remind them that Australia and New Zealand are in the middle of their summers. So the entire, “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas” line would actually be more of a miracle than the birth of Christ in most of the Christen world!

Is it because you know that you have at best a 50-50 shot that the person you are giving something to will actually like or use the thing you get them. I find it fascinating to listen to people’s thought process when they are shopping for someone. You hear things like, “last year the gift she got me was worth $50 so I have to get her something that’s worth at least that.” Or, “I have to get my brother something, what can I get him for $20 bucks.” Or, ‘I’m just going to get my friends gift certificates because I know they are getting me gift certificates.” So basically you are just exchanging money. You spend $150 in gift certificates and get $150 in gift certificates? Does that really make sense?

So what’s the point of getting someone a hat, or a new shirt, or a pair of mittens, or scarf, or a gift certificate? What are you saying to that person with those gifts?

Of course this all applies to adults only, because with children, it’s different. It’s completely ok to go out and buy that niece the coolest Hot Wheels crash set you can get your hands on. If you remember being a kid, there is magic in opening up a present and seeing the glorious colors of the toy box! If you buy kids clothes for Christmas, you are an idiot. You are not bright enough to understand the world around you, and we all know you’re really just trying to impress the parent anyway. You want to buy your niece, nephew, grand kid, son, daughter clothes, sure, go ahead, but at least wait until they are 14. Until then, the $100 sweater you bought little Jimmy from J Crew to impress his mother, might get tossed with the wrapping paper from the $9.99 action figure he’s going to go to bed with for the next six months.

Maybe we need new rules for this whole Christmas thing. After all, we are all broke, unemployed, and homeless. If we’re not that, we are destroying the world by making crap no one needs so we should stop buying it all. What’s that you say? The crap we produce keeps the economy going? Without the crap, we wouldn’t have jobs you say? Well actually most of the crap we buy is made in another country so we’re really not helping the economy. Jobs that fix our decaying infrastructure, improve our crumpling schools, or jobs that build smart, fuel-efficient and greener cars the world needs, those are the jobs we need!

I think gifts should mean something to the individual and that should be the rule. So if you can’t give someone a gift that means something, maybe you shouldn’t be giving that person a gift at all. Also, just because someone gives you a gift doesn’t mean you need to get him or her a gift. If you give someone a gift that means something to him or her, the reward of the gift will be in his or her gratitude.

So instead of giving your kid’s 4th grade teacher a fake Coach purse you bought on the black market, give her a $100 gift certificate to Office Max to buy the class the supplies she usually buys from her own paycheck.

Instead of giving your mother a robe for the third time in eight years, find an old picture of her when she was young (around the time she gave birth to you would be cool) and get it blown up and framed with a list of all the great memories you have from being a kid.

Instead of giving your wife a pair of expensive diamond earrings she’s only going to wear twice, buy her a ticket to go see her best friend from college for a long weekend. Better yet, coordinate with her best friend’s husband, and you can both send them somewhere nice for a long weekend.

Instead of buying your best friend a gift certificate to best buy, get tickets to go see a band you both like, or find that first edition of that book you know she loves.

Instead of buying anything for anyone, maybe we can give the ones we love the best gift of all, or time and attention…but hey, what do I know, I just bought the Sanctuary from Bluelounge...












Merry Christmas!

Convocation Speech to the School of Public Programs December 2008

//note: I delivered the following address to the ASU School of Public Programs graduating class on 12/18/2008.//

Thank you. I’d like to thank Debra Friedman, the faculty and staff of the School of Public Programs, the parents and friends who have gathered here proudly to celebrate with you, and of course, you, the School of Public Programs graduation class.

I’m not even going to try to describe how honored and humbled I am to be standing in front of you this afternoon. I can only express that as a first generation American raised by a single mother in New York City, this is by far, the greatest honor and trust anyone has ever bestowed on me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this memorable opportunity. Now, let’s all join Dr. Friedman and cross our fingers that I actually say something worthwhile!

We are living in interesting times, to say the least. On the dawn of a historic transition of presidential power, and as we prepare to swear in this great nation’s first person of color, we face some of the most challenging issues our nation has ever faced. Make no mistake about it; even as we turn the page on this new chapter of American history with promise and hope, the road ahead is littered with uncertainty and doubt.

In the last few months, many American families have had the locks changed on what they though was the final chapter of their American dream. They were forced from their homes taking only with them meaningless material possessions, forced to leave behind their memories, their haven, their home.

In the last few months, millions of Americans have lost their jobs, adding to the record number of Americans who have been left out in the employee parking lot, not because of their performance, but simply because their organizations couldn’t keep them any longer.

In just the last few months, our once great American corporations had to go to the federal government and ask for a bailout, admitting to the world that maybe American business doesn’t always have the answer or the right way of doing things or were even mature enough to regulate themselves.


At the same time, nearly 47 Million Americans wake up everyday without health insurance.

The United States continues to fall in education standards, leaving our children at a considerable disadvantage in this global economy.

Our nation’s debt continues to climb at an astonishing rate of more than 3 Billion dollars a day, raising concerns for how we will pay for all the programs we so desperately need.

Yes, our nation faces critical issues and obstacles. In trying to find a summary that best describes the essence of what we face as a nation, I found the following take on our current situation. I quote:

“In such a spirit on my part and on yours we face our common difficulties. They concern, thank God, only material things. Values have shrunken to fantastic levels; taxes have risen; our ability to pay has fallen; government of all kinds is faced by serious curtailment of income; the means of exchange are frozen in the currents of trade; the withered leaves of industrial enterprise lie on every side; farmers find no markets for their produce; the savings of many years in thousands of families are gone.

More important, a host of unemployed citizens face the grim problem of existence, and an equally great number toil with little return. Only a foolish optimist can deny the dark realities of the moment.”

Sums it up pretty good doesn’t it? Well it is from the speech made by Franklin D. Roosevelt in his Inaugural Address on March 4, 1933, more than 70 years ago.

The point is that we have been here before. We have faced fierce challenges as a nation before and we have prevailed before. So as we face the darkness of the current state of the nation, I know we will meet the challenges head on and I have no doubt that we will prevail.

Why so confident? Well, that’s easy. It is because I get to stand here, in front of you the graduating class of the School of Public Programs at Arizona State University. I know that the answers to many of the questions we face are in your heads. You are the difference in the world and the ones who will help us solve many of the problems we face. You are entering these troubling times with the knowledge, skills, and abilities to design, create, and implement the solutions we need today! You will do things differently. You will be innovative. You will be creative. You will use your passion and intelligence to change the world!

I was sitting in the same seat you are now when I graduated with my Master’s in Public Administration from ASU, oh so many years ago. I can tell you that as a 25 year old, I was ready to take on the world and I have yet to lose that passion. Since then, I went to New York and made an impact on welfare reform, I’ve consulted with government organizations, and although I now work in the “private sector,” I continue to be involved in the social sector, as part of advisory boards to a number of colleges, non profits, and social sector initiatives. I continue to teach in the School of Public Programs, as some of you had to suffer through, and I will continue to find ways to try to change the world! I have great plans for non-profits I want to start, international efforts I want to support, and political figures I want to advise. I know that many of you have that same passion and I’m excited to see where it takes you.

The first lesson I have learned and want to leave you with is simply this. Live your life with purpose.

I was born in Hell’s Kitchen, New York. I am the child of an immigrant. A single mom raised me. Statistically speaking, I shouldn’t be here talking to you today. According to these statistics, I was supposed to be a drug dealer, a prison inmate, a high school drop out, or dead at a young age, the fate of many people I knew.

The reason I am here today is because I have always believed I had a purpose. I believe I am here for a reason. I made decisions based on the belief that I had a purpose to fulfill, and I have never let anything, especially statistics; get in the way of that purpose.

Remember, there is no one like you. So I encourage you to forget statistics and believe in yourself! Nothing will ever stop you if you believe in yourself and your purpose in life.

So I ask you: What do you really want to do? What do you really want to be? Where do you really want to go?

And as you think about those questions remember, you have the same number of hours in a day that John Adams had, Mother Teresa had, Martin Luther King Jr. had, and anyone else you look up to had. What are you going to do with your 24?

In the same spirit of living your life with purpose, I encourage you to think big and never be satisfied.

So I survived the statistics, I never became a drug dealer or ended up in prison, but that wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted to create my own statistics. I wanted to be part of the number of people from Hell’s Kitchen who went to college, so I did that. I wanted to be part of the number of people who earned a Master’s degree, so I did that. I wanted to be part number of people who grew up the way I did and worked for Accenture, and Charles Schwab, and now Google and I did that. By no means am I done!

Use this mentality in your day-to-day work. Are you thinking big enough?

In my innovation class I ask the question, what do you think is the most important characteristic of being innovative? I always get back the same responses: brilliant, resilient, smart, energetic, etc.

Although all those are possible characteristics, the answer I am looking for is, someone who doesn’t care what you think. They are big thinkers and will not let negativity pull them down. Their passion and commitment to thinking big is stronger than that.

You will always face naysayers. They told the Wright brothers that a vehicle that was heavier than air couldn't fly. They said that no human could ever run a mile in under 4 minutes. They told Elvis Presley that he would never make it as a rock star, and they even told Michael Jordon he couldn’t play basketball.

What do they say about you? What will they say about your ideas? Are you thinking big enough?

In addition to living life with purpose, and thinking big, you have to change the world!

Change the world with your crazy ideas, by trusting your gut feeling.

From the time we are in grade school, we are taught to think that the best answers and ideas are in books or come from someone else. We all know that’s not true. We know the best answers are found on Google! Ok, that’s not true either, what the world needs from you is original thoughts and ideas. Those ideas are in each and every one of you!

I started this afternoon by describing all the terrible circumstances our country faces. I am not afraid, in fact, I am excited and full of hope to see how we can change and recreate our broken world. We are at a critical time, and we will prevail, we will prevail because of you.

The HOPE America has been talking about, the anticipation of CHANGE that is firing up the country and the world, is coming from you, from your crazy ideas, from your passion, from your actions. It is up to you to determine how the world will change; in your mind are solutions, the answers, and the new ideas that will shape the new era of America, ideas that will shape the world.

You know, the greatest day of your life isn’t your birthday, or the day you get married, or even when your children are born. The greatest day of your life is the day you realize that this is YOUR life that you own it and control it. The greatest day of your life is when you truly feel that life is an amazing journey and that YOU are responsible for setting it in motion, that you determine what your life’s journey will be like.

So I challenge you to look forward to that day. I challenge you to go places and have adventures. I challenge you to truly make a difference. I challenge you to do what you love and follow your dreams. I challenge you to realize that the only thing that will ever stop you is you.

Congratulations on this tremendous milestone. You should be as proud of yourself as we all are of you. I know you will change the world.

Thank you.

Barbeque Throw Down Block Party at 1600 Pennsylvania!

We not only have a black man running for President of the United States, we have a black man running for President who might actually WIN tonight! It is possible that tomorrow, we could be declaring, for the first time in our prestigious history, that a black American is the President Elect of the United States of America, unless of course you count the real first black President, Bill Clinton. I will be the first to admit that I didn’t think this was possible. Like all of you who are fans of the show 24, the first time I saw “President Palmer” appear, my initial reaction was, “great, now that’s going to ruin the potential realism of the show! A black President, yea right!” I want to make sure you understand my perspective here. I am a super urban minority New York City ghetto raised tattoo having broadminded freethinking hoodlum Latin liberal! Besides being all those things, I am also optimistic and hopeful, almost to a fault some friends would say. So why didn’t I think we would ever have a black President? Well, it’s not that I didn’t think we would EVER have one, I just didn’t think it would be now, and I certainly didn’t think “they” would allow it, without putting up a good fight anyway. Who am I referring to you ask? Well, that’s a hard question to answer. There are various groups of “they.”

First, there is the hard-core “they,” the ones who belong to the KKK, Nazi Hate groups, and other such extreme organizations. They are easy to spot. You know when you see one. I’m shocked they haven’t taken at least a shot at him. Especially after they realized that he actually had a legitimate chance of winning! I don’t want to spend any time talking about this group; they don’t deserve my attention. We just need to know they exist.

The second group of “they” is the group who don’t necessarily join the Klan but they are definitely haters. They don’t like “non whites” and certainly have no problem letting anyone in their social life know how they feel. They know all the jokes and perk up when a friend has a new one, “what do you call a black…” or “what do you get when you cross a Jew with a Mexican…” They don’t have people of color in their life, and like it that way. They believe minorities are at the core of our social collapse (along with the Liberals who support them, the ones who live in New York City and California). We all know these folks. If you are white, there is a 100% chance that you are related to one. “Ah, good old grandpa, he’s just stuck in the old world and doesn’t mean anything when he calls you a wetback or asks you to fetch him an apple,” you tell me. As a Latino, I have always found it entertaining to have these folks in my life through association with a best friend or a girl I was seeing. I can say with 100% accuracy that there hasn’t been one “relationship” I’ve been in where I didn’t run into one of these folks. What’s entertaining about this group is that they can develop justification as to why I was “OK” and “different” as they “accepted” me into their family, often times, including me in the new hot racist joke they heard in their local bar. The justification, which usually sounds like, “you know Jaime, you aren’t like I expected, you are different than most Hispanics,” leads to the third kind of “they,” and I believe the most dangerous group of them all.

The third group truly believes they are not racist at all and often times go out of their way to prove it. The problem is that they don’t recognize the damage they do when they say things like, “well first of all, not only do you speak English, you speak it so well, I’m so impressed” or they’ll ask, “so what’s your nationality, I can’t figure it out.” By the way, if you are “white” when was the last time a Latino or Black person ever came up to you and asked, “you know Biff, I can’t figure out your nationality, are you German, Polish, what? It’s killing me, I just have to know!” Why doesn’t that happen? Because we just don’t care and I have no idea why you do! Is there some rule somewhere where you need to put people in a cultural category as soon as possible? Do you get a prize if you report this information somewhere? Please help me understand this obsession with knowing what minority group I belong to in the first five minutes you know me. “Really, he’s Latin? I though he was Arab! I’m going to have to call the Just Met New Stranger Cultural Identification Association (JMNSCIA) number back and resubmit my information.” I am proud of my nationality and my culture and I talk about it all the time. Give me a few social meetings and I’m sure I will annoy you with stories about my ethnicity. Ask anyone I know. Unless you’re doing the Census, there is no reason why you need to know what my “nationality” is in the first five minutes of meeting me. Please try to be more interesting than that. Showing me an interest in the color of my skin only makes me put you in that third category of “them.”

The New York Times ran an article last week that really disturbed me but highlighted this problem. The article talked about volunteers for the Obama campaign who were going door to door talking to potential voters. Apparently, when the volunteers were greeted with, “well I’m not sure I can vote for a black man for President, how do I know he won’t “turn black” after he gets into office.” Instead of laughing out loud and saying, “OK you idiot, why don’t you close the door and go back to watching the Jerry show and eating your hot pockets, you pinhead,” the volunteers were offering an explanation. The explanation went something like, “well you should know that Obama is only half black and he was raised by his white mother so his perspective is mostly white.” They were also saying, “he grew up in a “white” house, so the chances of him “turning black” are small, he really doesn’t know how to be black.”

So what we have here is a group of the third kind of “they” talking to the second and third kind of ‘they.” They are all justifying either speaking for, supporting, or voting for Obama as long as Obama doesn’t turn on the black once he is in office. Instead of looking at Obama the person and making decisions based on his ideas, his vision, his policies, his character, they are making decisions based on how much black Obama will turn on once in office. What exactly do these folks think is going to happen once Obama takes office? Can you imagine what they are thinking?

So on inauguration day instead of throwing the traditional Inauguration Ball, the Obama Team will throw down a barbeque? Are all the cousins going to show up uninvited? Instead of an orchestra, will there be a big block party set up with Dr. Dre, Dead Prez, and The Roots? The day after Obama takes office, is he going to stop wearing a suit and walk around the White House in a Viking helmet and a big ass favor flav clock around his neck, greeting everyone with, “yea, boyyy?” He’s going to start every press conference with, “what up dogs” wearing a fuzzy Kangol on his head and big Kayne West Sunglasses on his face? Is he planning to put rims, complete with spinners, on the presidential limo? Are the dancers from In Living Color going to replace his Secret Service detail? Seriously, what do they think is going to happen?

That’s why that third group is so dangerous. They are Ok with you being a minority, as long as you don’t act like one. They are teachers and service providers and don’t even realize the damage they are doing. They are either setting low expectations for students of color (no Jose, being a Doctor is a great dream but you should be more realistic and think about a good trade job) or are crushing the culture of the minority student by suggesting and encouraging the child to be more “American” (Tyrone, you know, you will be taken more serious if you didn’t wear that Yankee’s cap). They process financial services and there are hundreds of studies that show that people of color are treated differently in ALL segments of service, even when both the minority group and white group have the EXACT economic and education level. The minority groups are shown homes in lower income areas, etc. Minority groups are offered different loan options, often times with much much higher interest rates. Minority groups are shown different investment strategies, and so on. There is hope however, a fourth group.

The last group is the group we should all belong to, or at least strive to be part of. It is the group that recognizes that we all have some “ism” in us, no matter what skin color or nationality we are. They know that even within minority groups, there is plenty of “ism” going on. They recognize that a “dark skin” black person has stereotypes of “light skin” black people and vies versa. They recognize in the Latino culture, Argentines think they are better than Mexicans or that odds are high that a Mexican father will forbid his daughter from dating a guy from Columbia. They recognize that we are humans and have to have a little bit of it. They understand that it’s human nature. It’s human nature to like and associate with people who look and act like we do. It’s also human nature to categorize, label, and stereotype those who don’t look and act like we do.

The difference with this group however is that they also recognize that it is critical to be conscience and aware of these thoughts and assumptions and they work hard to separate the stereotypes from the actual person. It is hard work to actually pay attention to and make conclusions about a person based on their character or intellect rather than the color of their skin. It’s much easier to look at Jose and assume that he should be looking at trade schools, because people like Jose, who are Mexican and live in South Phoenix, usually don’t go to medical school. A person in this category tells Jose that they should look at trade school because they know Jose the person and recognize that Jose just isn’t that bright. People in the pervious group, who claim they don’t have a racist bone in their body, do more damage to Jose when they either make assumptions about who they are and what “people like Jose” do for a living, or worse, overcompensate for their “I’m so not a racist” mentality and tell Jose that he “can be whatever he wants,” even a doctor, when clearly, Jose is just an idiot.

Happy Election Day! We live in a great country and I look forward to the day we all are part of that last group!

Do you really want to know?

“And try to picture the man
To always have an open hand
And see him as a giving tree
See him as matter
Matter fact he's not a beast
No not the devil either
Always a good deed doer
And it's laughter that we're making after all”

- Jason Mraz

I recently ran into someone I worked with a few years ago on a flight to San Francisco. I guess I never really thought about how much that happens to me. I run into someone I know on every trip I take and it doesn’t matter where I’m going. It’s almost like the entire United States airport network is a giant campus. If that’s true, then the funky underground tunnel at O’Hare is the main mall walkway in the “middle” of this giant campus. In the heyday of my travel load, I would walk down that tripy strip and wave at people I knew going in the other direction. I haven’t thought about this in a while, but my friends and I used to have airport happy hours. We would meet in Phoenix, Chicago, or Dallas for example and have a few drinks, laptop bags hanging off our bar stools. Most people know people in their neighborhood; my neighborhood was the entire airport infrastructure!

I can’t help but just be in shock every once in a while when I think about how my life turned out. When I look back at the moments and memories of my childhood (the 100 times I woke up with no electricity, or the first time I saw a bullet hit one of my friends in the chest, or watching one of my friends I knew since kindergarten walking down Broadway offering oral sex to strangers just to get some cash for his crack addiction, or the six funerals I went to while in high school), there’s no way in a million years did I imagine I would be living the life I am. I went out to dinner with one of my very cool and funky friends last night and we ate, drank, and smoked cigarettes on this great patio, 100 feet from the Bay in San Francisco and it’s in moments like that where I catch myself thinking, wow, I’m the luckiest guy on earth.

//Side Note: I always talk about how I don’t look out the window of the airplane. Well I’m looking out the right side of the airplane right now and we are flying on the California coastline and it is just a beautiful day. I can see the beach, the ocean, the mountains, the cliffs, and Highway One. Magic!//

Anyway, when I ran into this person on the airplane, I told her, “wait for me when we land so we can catch up.” She did and as we walked towards the exit I asked the question we all ask, “how’s work going?” Her response was “busy, real busy.” I was disappointed.

I don’t know when it happened but I know why. At some point in the last 20 years, we became really paranoid about holding on to our jobs. In the 1990’s organizations began laying off millions of workers in all industries. Organizations that had never done layoffs were doing them. Even State and City governments got on the bus and were letting people go. Folks who were in their jobs for 20, 30, 40 years were let go with no place to go and replaced by new grads or oversea outsourcing programs. Ultimately it changed the employee/employer contract. Generation X made sure of that. We became “contract” employees. The new “contract” implied: we will work long and hard, but we will not be loyal. Organizations proved that loyalty didn’t mean anything to them. I actually am OK with this model and think it works for the most part. Unless you’re Jerold from Subway, it’s the one most of us are currently working under.

The side affect of this model however is that we feel like we must always appear to be busy, like there’s no way we could lose our jobs, we have way to much going on. We have to appear like we’re stressed and overworked. So when someone asks, we say, “oh, I’m so busy! Busy busy busy!” That’s the response I got from my former colleague as we walked through the airport and the response I get most of the time.

I believe these interactions are another form of missed opportunities. Instead of saying we are busy, what if we said, “work is great, actually, there is this one issue I would love your take on.” We are all experts in something and we all know what our friends and colleagues are good at. Why don’t we take advantage of that? What’s the point of having a network at all? I asked a friend last week how things were going. She told me that she is stressed out because she is starting an event-planning venture. She is a fantastic decorator and a perfectly anal planner. However, she admitted that she has no idea how the “business” side of these things works. She has her first client and has no idea what to charge for the services she is about to deliver. She asked me what I would do. Well, after we talked and I asked questions to understand specifically what she was looking for, I shot off a few emails and connected her with one of the best planners in the valley. They are going to have lunch and my event planner friend will provide help and insight to the business. My friend could have just said, “yea, I’m busy, real busy.” She would have missed the opportunity.

So next time someone asks you how work is, ask yourself, “what am I working on that this person could provide a different perspective on for me?” Instead of asking, “so how is work going?” Why don’t you ask your best friend, “What’s going on in your life that I could help you with?” Most of the time, you don’t have to even have an answer. Most of the time, someone just needs to be asked the right question. Just keep asking questions.

Of course all this means that you actually have to care. Most of the time, we ask just to be polite. Most of the time, it is all part of the drone autopilot interactions we have in our lives. Boring! So, be careful when you ask me how work is. I'm actually going to tell you!

You won't look good in my clothes...

"What brings you around?
Did you lose something the last time you were here?
You’ll never find it now
It’s buried deep with your identity
So stand aside and let the next one pass
Don’t let the door kick you in the ass"
- Green Day

I’ve been flying as long as I can remember. I’ve been flying so long I don’t even look out the window when I sit by it. I’ve had a steak grilled in front of me on a TWA flight and I’ve paid $19 to fly to Rochester on People Express. I get that it’s a crazy industry and unless your run the ship like Southwest does, I’m not sure how you make a dime. I never got the business model where you had to produce billions of dollars in revenue just to make a few million in profit. Then you have the FAA, watching 5000 flights in the air at any given time (please tell me someone is working on the transporter, like they had on Star Trek). Of course you have Homeland security, which wants to make sure you stuff your entire life into a 3.4 oz bottle.

//Side Note: Why not 3.5? Do studies indicate that there is a tremendous advantage to bomb makers if they used a 3.5 bottle of whatever they use to make a bomb. Security Theater, Security Theater I tell you!//

Yes, I’ve been in the air a lot and I’m a study of processes and how things work. When you think of the moving pieces, and consider the industry in general, it’s amazing the only thing that’s happened to me in the last 10 years of traveling is that United Airlines lost my luggage a few weeks ago. Not “they lost my bag and it showed up the next day,” kinda lost my luggage, more like “we have no holy hell idea where the hell your bag is!!!!” kinda of lost it. Disappeared! Vanished! Gone forever! Where was I traveling to you ask? Kenya to New Zealand? Chicago to Nepal? Yea right! My bag disappeared off the face of the earth on a trip from Phoenix to Burlington, VT. How boring is that?

This post however isn’t about losing my bag. It isn’t a bitch session about the airline industry. Again, when you think of the complex process the airline industry is, and how much I’ve traveled in my life, I feel blessed and thankful for my experience, thus far…

This post is about how we identify ourselves and how we can lose part of it, just like that. Imagine someone came to you and said, “Please pick out every cool piece of clothing you would bring on a 12 day trip that is both personal and professional. Please make sure you pick out your favorite jeans, your favorite t-shirts, your best sweaters, your coolest dress up shirts, and your best suit. You should throw in your favorite jackets, in case it’s cold.” Now picture that person piling it all up in the center of a room, drowsing it with kerosene and lighting it on fire! That’s what happened to me.

I lost clothes I’ve collected over the past several years, important years. The years where I stood up fought back, and started over. Clothes that helped me reestablish who I was. I lost memories; things that reminded me of one day or an event. I lost the long sleeve shirt that kept me warm on a drive up Highway One on that cool summer night last year. I lost the first Product Red shirt I bought, the shirt that made me realize that I needed to be doing more. I lost the jeans I wore to two greatest birthday parties I had ever been to, the one where we rented out an entire bar in San Francisco, and the weekend in Vegas, the last time the G Crew have all been in the same place. I also lost gifts given to me by special people in my life. I lost my favorite dress down shirt my friend bought me that I just wore to do a presentation the week before. I lost a long sleeve t-shirt, given to me on my birthday that, until I lost, didn’t realize I brought with me on every trip I took since it was given to me. It was a sad few weeks.

At the same time, this experience has been a little liberating. It was a forced fresh start. As much as I try to remember just the great memories I’ve had in the past four years, there are many memories of failures or missed opportunities. It’s surprising how much of those memories are tied to the clothes hanging in our closet. I guess you don’t realize all the subconscious thoughts going through your head while you’re getting dressed. I’m so much more aware of it now. As you scan your closet, you pass the t-shirt that reminds you of sitting in that chair in Sonoma County drinking wine with your new friend, or the jeans you wore the first time you got dressed to take her out to dinner. The shirt you were wearing the night of the storm, when she drove through a hurricane all the way to Mesa, just to watch a movie with you. The shirt you wore when you had the most important job interview of your life. Your mind is just constantly processing, or at least mine is and I have a blessed/cursed memory. I think I remember every moment of my life to some degree or another.

All my favorite clothing was in that bag. With the mysterious disappearance of them, went all the memories associated with them. I guess I get to start over and now I’m back at work, rebuilding my wardrobe, while starting new, and hopefully, better memories. It’s exciting and maybe, just maybe we’re supposed to light our wardrobe on fire every few years.

So if you see me in my new jeans with the thick white stitching, they are my new favs. They’re already associated with some cool memories, including the Bus, the night I picked up my friend at the airport (when coincidentally, she lost her bag), the night I made it all the way from Phoenix to the Volunteer Tent at Oktoberfest in Chicago, where she was so happy to see me, and the night I sat in the sand in Santa Monica and had the best four-hour conversation I’ve had in a long time. They might just be a few weeks old, but they already have some cool memories stitched into them…

Been thinking of you for about an hour and six minutes to be exact…

Here’s to turning up our collar to wickedness. My we continue to NEVER have anything left unsaid….I’ve become addicted….

So if another door closes
I hope you see the window opening
As people suffering all the time
Don't waste your days life slips away
Like butter from a knife

And if you had a good day my sis
Make sure you raise your back, give your wife a kiss
The secrets species x and lines
Stolen from nests time after time
Like butter from a knife

Oh can't you see we're all crashing, in slow mo
Holding to this wheel we know
What’s the use, don't want to be sleeping too long
Why can't we try to fly ourselves back to an old skin
Making do is no way to live
What’s the use, we're only here
Then we're gone, gone, gone

So turn your collar up to some wickedness
And fudge the lines between the crimes
You've been taught to miss
As ancient ladies baking bread
Bent underneath this pyramid
And all these things that you and her have never said

And when the time comes that you and her must kiss
Well if you miss her mouth and screw it up a bit
You can impress her when you say,
"Darling each and every day life slips away"
Like butter from a knife

Oh can't you see we're all crashing, in slow mo
Holding to this wheel we know
What’s the use, don't want to be sleeping too long
Why can't we try to fly ourselves back to an old skin
Making do is no way to live
What’s the use, we're only here
Then we're gone, gone, gone

So if another door closes
I hope you feel the window opening
As people hurrying down the lines
Don't waste your days life slips away
Like butter from a knife

Dr. Seuss for President

Well, HELLOOOOO! Sorry, inside joke.

Isn’t human nature cool? I love how you can end up spending every moment of a week with complete strangers and become BFF’s for life! You meet a group of people, barely remembering their names from the introduction and the following night, you and this new crew are arguing about where you should go to dinner. You end up doing everything with this group. You eat together, you wait together, you drink together, you get ready together, you wake up together, you suffer through hangovers together, and you coordinate your entire week around people you didn’t know the Sunday before! You experience life that week like you’ve known each other for years! Those experiences create a lifelong bond, a tie, created by those inside jokes that come from the stories you share. Years from now, I’ll be able to look at Erin, Alaina, or Rico and say, “Well, Hellooooo”, and they will know exactly what I am talking about.

The common experience the four of us shared was the Democratic National Convention in Denver, CO. The DNC has always been on my bucket list. I looked at the dynamics of this convention, the historic implication, and the opportunity I had in front of me and dove right in! That’s always been my approach; I just seem to be more aware of it lately. Life is too short to wait “until the next time.” I don’t have a deep, “things I want to do or accomplish list,” but I am determined to follow up on the things that I put on that list. This week I confirmed a spot to attend a Michigan Notre Dame game in South Bend the next time that game is played.

The convention took place in Denver of course and I have to say I wasn’t very thrilled with my experience with Denver. I can’t explain exactly what it is but there is something missing in Denver, or it may be that the city tries very hard to have this predetermined identity, assigned when the city was set up. Jon Steward nailed it on the last night he broadcasted the Daily Show from Denver:

“We’ve learned something about Denver. There is absolutely no middle ground. You are either a rapture waiting promise keeper, or you drive a car that runs on gorp. That’s it!”

I lived in Denver for almost a year, four years ago and that is exactly it! There is no middle ground. It’s like this weird word association game: organic food + yoga + Skiing + LL Bean = Denver. If you’re not into whatever the latest hip stuff white people like (great blog!) then you don’t fit in Denver. I wasn’t a big fan of the place when I lived there, and the week in Denver did nothing to improve my opinion of the city.

It was ABSOLTULY clear that the city didn’t want us there in the first place! Like a bunch of mayors got together to select the next DNC city and the mayor from Denver picked the short straw. People were unfriendly. They never talked to you unless you started the conversation and even then, it wasn’t very engaging, like they were answering questions sitting I a witness stand. It was yes or no answers, completely avoiding eye contact as they talked to you. Are we sure Denver was the right city to host a bunch of hippy liberal Democrats? There are at least two examples of walking into a bar at 1:00 AM asking for a drink and getting shut down, “we’re closed, and it doesn’t matter if we’re allowed to serve drinks until 2:00.” At least do it with a smile on your face. Don’t look like you CAN’T WAIT to get us out of there!

It was also very clear that since they didn’t want us there in the first place, it was completely acceptable to gouge our eyes out and take every last penny we brought with us! I think they must have thought we were the other party. Everything had NYC prices. Bottles of water were going for $4 in some places. Restaurants must have put together a special “convention only” menu! Cab rides were the price of Greyhound Bus tickets. There was no shame in it either. They just didn’t care.

It felt like all people in Denver talked about was hiking, running, and all their “groovy” adventures in the mountains. They compare the best places to buy their organic strawberries and talk about how they don’t eat bread unless it contains 34 varieties of oats and grains. Like nothing else in the world is wrong! Ask them about world events and they act, as they have no idea why you would bring up such unhappy topics.

The show the Denver law enforcement community put on was something else! I was very impressed with the performance. Now if only we would arm our troops in Iraq in the same manner, we would have “won” that war three years ago! There were hundreds of cops in full riot gear scattered all over the city. They all looked like Robocops (please tell me you know that reference). Many of the Robocops were seen sitting on corners, resting their space aged gloves on loaded M-16’s. The Robocops had hundreds of those blue plastic handcuffs attached to their belts. They even had Robohorses, I kid you not, decked out in full riot gear! The Robohorses trotted through the city in face gear and shin protectors! Why a horse needs a facemask or shin protectors is beyond me. More importantly, where the hell do they make horse riot gear? I want to visit that factory! How do they test that equipment? It made me nervous to see the Robocops and Robohorses all geared up and I guess that was the point. However, when you have that much gear on and no party to go to, you tend to make your own party and as the days passed, I worried that something bad was going to happen. It felt like all it would take was one 20-year-old idiot to call a Robocop a pig. Luckily no one attending the convention gave them a reason to; at least I didn’t hear any stories.



I do have to say that I think the city got it all wrong. We weren’t there to make trouble. We were there to celebrate a historic event. Besides, when was the last time any American group had a good protest? Come on! We valet our cars at the mall and complain that the Gap is too far from the entrance. We’re not dealing with mace!

The biggest protest we saw was the bike protester gang. Yes, a bunch of kids on bikes riding through the city screaming at cars something inaudible. I think they were either complaining about gas prices or people who drive SUV’s (for a non oil producing nation, we pay the lowest price in the world) or they were protesting against driving unwashed cars. Since it was Denver, I’m going to go with the latter. Of course I could be completely wrong and it could have just been that biker gang from Better Off Dead, still looking for their two dollars.

We just don’t do protests like we used. I miss a good sit-in and tear gas adventure! Besides, we’ve made it impossible for people to protest anyway. If you wanted to protest at the DNC, you had to do it in the “Free Speech Zone.” OK you can stop laughing, I’m serious. If you had something to say, you had to do it in the Free Speech Zone, which was located in what felt like 60 miles from downtown Denver.

“Free Speech Zones (also known as First Amendment Zones, Free speech cages, and Protest zones) are areas set aside in public places for political activists to exercise their right of free speech in the United States. The stated purpose of free speech zones is to protect the safety of those attending the political gathering, or for the safety of the protesters themselves. Critics, however, suggest that such zones are "Orwellian", and that authorities use them in a heavy-handed manner to censor protesters by putting them literally out of sight of the mass media, hence the public, as well as visiting dignitaries. Though authorities generally deny specifically targeting protesters, on a number of occasions, these denials have been contradicted by subsequent court testimony. The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) has filed, with various degrees of success and failure, a number of lawsuits on the issue. The most prominent examples are those created by the United States Secret Service for President George W. Bush and other members of his administration. Free speech zones existed in limited forms prior to the Presidency of George W. Bush; it has been during Bush's presidency that their scope has been greatly expanded.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_speech_zones).

Overall the convention itself could only be described as electric and energetic. There was a buzz all week, day and night. Everywhere you went you would find hugging, laughing, singing, dancing, and just pure happiness; pure joy flowing through those attending the convention.

People were selling everything you can imagine. You found everything form the standard convention gear like bumper stickers, campaign buttons, and T-shirts, to the not so standard Obama action figure and Hilary blow up dolls. My favorite trinket was free. It came from one of the local art galleries (and one of the coolest) that sell Dr. Seuss art prints: “Dr. Seuss For President.” I wore that button with pride!

The event of the day on Monday was the DCCC party. Congressman grandpa Harry Mitchell invited me to the party. In what was one of the highlights of the week, Harry Mitchell had to come downstairs and talk the security team into letting me “into the party.” That’s right boys and girls; Harry Mitchell used his “juice” to get me into the club! It was exactly the scene repeated every weekend in front of the coolest clubs in Vegas, “yo, Bobby, can you let that guy in, he’s with me.” As I’m going up the escalator to the party on the second floor, I hear James Taylor playing from the speakers. I’m thinking, “Oh boy, what kind of party is this.” I mingle and introduce myself to various people hanging out with Congressman Mitchell, and out of the corner of my eye, I catch someone on the stage. It takes me a moment before I realize that James Taylor is actually SINGING on the stage! A few minutes later, Tony Bennett walks on stage, and does a set, including a cool version of “I left my heart in San Francisco.” That’s what I call a party.

Tuesday was the day I went to the Pepsi Center to see the actual convention. As I walked in, I was immediately swept by the energy and vibe. It was the most amazing buzz I had ever felt (and I was at this year’s Super Bowl). The place was just on fire. It was loud! The noise was from thousands of people just talking over each other. They couldn’t help it. It was like all these people spent the afternoon doing dozens of espresso shots! There were smiles, and hugs, and the diversity in the place made me feel like I was riding on the One Train at 6:00 PM in the middle of New York City. I paid particular attention to the older black delegates from the southern states. As you might expect, they were floating on air. I’m sure they had always held out hope for a week like this, but I’m sure they never thought they’d see it in their lifetime. It was clear they were soaking it all in. They had finally seen the reward to all those years of work and sacrifice. Nothing would ruin how they felt.

What did we do Tuesday night? Well, nothing really. You know, silly things like hanging out Charles Barkley, dancing on the roof of a club to a live performance from Biz Markie and Eric B, and doing shots with the Nevada Delegation. Nothing too exciting… I have no idea where this club was and if you told me my kids were being held hostage there, I wouldn’t be able to find it…oh, wait! It’s across the street from an Arby’s, which by the way, NEEDS to be open at 1:30 in the morning! When else would you eat there?
Wednesday we skipped the convention festivities and watched the speeches from the Maryland party at another bar I couldn’t identify. I have to admit; no one parties like the representatives of the great state of Maryland! I tried to talk to Jesse Jackson but he would have nothing to do with me. I wanted to tell him that the SNL skit of him doing Green Eggs and Ham is one of the best shticks of all time! I cry every time I see it! I guess he wasn’t interested in the feedback.

Thursday, well Thursday was why we were all there. I’m not going to try and describe Thursday and the Obama speech. I’m just not that good of a writer and I won’t do it justice. It’s enough to say that the experience left me speechless. No matter what happens in this election or who you support, we all have to admit that it was a historic event and one all of us there will remember for as long as we live.

Overall, the whole week was one giant (don’t want to say party) celebration! There was this sense of brotherhood and (don’t say it) hope. We were all there for the same reason. We’re not big fans of the direction this country has been on over the last eight years and we were all there to commit to take action to change it. There was a sense of purpose and mission. I was energized and inspired. I had the best 20 conversations I’ve had in a long time with complete random people. I met people who were full of pride and passion. It wasn’t about fear or hate or control. It was about the future, the potential, and the possibilities.

It was about Scott Goldman (yea, another inside joke…)

Come any closer and I’ll karate chop you, I’m not kidding!!!

“My mama said
Baby don't ride that crazy horse
And my mama said
You must push with much force
And my mama said
Go get all that you're after
And my mama said
That love's all that matters

But I'm always on the run…” – Lenny Kravitz

I sat across a new mother and watched her handle her new baby. The baby couldn’t be older than a month and I could tell it was her first. They just have that look. The baby also had a look, which clearly said, “Where the hell am I, no wait, what the hell am I?” This baby may grow up to cure cancer, become the nation’s worst serial killer, the first man to hit .730 in a season, raise an army against our government, be the greatest advocate of human rights the world has ever seen. The options are limitless. With all that potential power, don’t you think it’s amazing that we are all born completely dependent, defenseless, and unprotected? Sure, we eventually learn to walk, than run, but that’s not much good if we fall in the middle of a hungry pack of hyenas.

How is it that the most powerful and dominant species on the planet has no natural defense mechanism other than, “Run!” “Run? We’ll never be able to outrun that bear,” the first hiker says to his best friend. “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you,” says the second hiker to his now ex best friend.

The other option is that we fight. I don’t know about you, but I have very few friends anymore who I know that can take on a crew of Latin Kings carrying Glocks. “If you don’t back off, I’m going to karate chop you!” We all know how that story is going to end.

We can be kings and queens. We can destroy the planet a hundred times over (OK DCM, what’s the actual number?). We can walk in space. We can build buildings that touch the face of God. There is no species on earth more creative, more innovative, more destructive than the human race. Yet at the end of the day, when we face another human or creature, all we have are the Nike X60 Cross Country kicks, or the karate chop.

What would life be like if we did have some defense tool, any of which our counterparts already have. What would life be like then? Better? Worse? Which one would dominate? Which one would require significant legislation? I’m not talking X-Men here, but more helpful, common defenses that could help us get through the day.

How cool would ‘girls night out’ be if you could rattle your tail feverishly when some dork approached you proudly, with the “what’s a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this” line, ready for the execution. “Excuse me miss…” Rattle rattle rattle. “Never mind, sorry to bother you.”

You are standing at ATM machine pulling out yet another $300 dollars to spend at Babe’s, because you are sure Candy has fallen for you this time and you just need to spend more time with her. Suddenly you see some guy approach you quickly from behind. No problem. You bend over and release a toxic skunk like gas in his face, immobilizing him to the ground. You walk away, cash in hand, rehearsing your “Candy, I can take you away from all this” speech.

You’re walking down the street when those Latin Kings stand in front of you, blocking your way into the Circle K. One tells you that he wants your wallet. You warn them; they approach. You have no choice, you bend forward and porcupine needle hair machine guns off your head, hitting them everywhere. You walk in to Circle K and get your Cherry Coke Slurpie, as planned.

You’re sitting next to some guy on a five-hour flight. He just ordered his second miniature single serving bottle of wine and you know what’s coming. He’s had just enough cheap South San Jose grape juice to get chatty. He leans toward you, “so what do?” I give him my typical response, “I laugh a lot, make fun of things, evangelize my work, my social and political perspective, and have a sincere dislike of insurance salesman. What do you do?” As soon as the words leave his lips, “I’m an insurance salesman,” I automatically roll up into my Armadillo style ball and sit like that until we land!

What would you want to be able to do?

Darkness in the Night

“And so she woke up, from where she was lying still, said we got to do something about where were going…step on a steam train, step out of the driving train, maybe run from the darkness in the night…” – U2

The conventional wisdom among those of us who are referred to as “road warrior” is that red eyes are the worst flights to take. They usually take off late. The flights are never long enough to get a full nights rest. People take their shoes off (please stop that, seriously!) and generally smell bad. I can go on and on and on with all the reasons I hear why red eyes are terrible. There is genuine ill feeling when it comes to that late evening flight. I however do not share this sentiment.

//side note: I’m not sure where the term “road warrior” came from but, like the yellow short sleeve with a tie look, it needs to go away! Anyone who wears Levi Kaki Pants, a blackberry attached to their belt, and one of those dorky Bluetooth headsets coming out their ear does not deserve to have the word “warrior” associated to what they do in ANY WAY. I’m embarrassed to be associated with the name. The danger of a potential paper cut does not a warrior make//

I actually love red eyes. I never really thought about why until tonight but there is something about red eyes that make me feel like I’m escaping, cloaked in the cover of darkness. One early evening I’m in Phoenix having drinks with you on a patio, the next morning when you call, I’m in Boston. Magic! There is something about taking off and taking flight while everyone else is brushing their teeth and coming up with excuses as to why they can’t have sex with their partner, missing yet another moment in life they’ll never get back. Something about the bizarreness of how everything looks and feels like it does when you fly during the day, but it’s not. It’s quite. It’s peaceful. People keep to themselves, they are nicer, they smile more, like we all have this “need to suffer through the red eye” bond. I’ve had the most interesting conversations in the waiting area. There is also something cool about sitting in the dark plane, looking out the window into the night, watching the moon bounce on the clouds she lights up. Magic!

My favorite part of the experience is waking up the city you are visiting. Just as we start descending, you catch a glimpse of the sun rising on the horizon. The colors of the sunrise from the air are breathless, and it is the only time I look out the window of my exit row seat. You come out of the terminal, the city is just walking up and you get to see what she “looks like in the morning.” Isn’t it the first time you wake up with her when you decide, “yea, this might be the one” or, "oh, there's no way I'm waking up with her next to me again." When it's the former, every morning after that is proof that you and her have a special kind of relationship, one in which you wake up together to take on the world. These are the moments, just as the city wakes up, before anything of significance happens, in which you can see her true colors, without the make up, without the hair all done up, without all the masks and costumes. You get to see her, who she really is. I love those moments.

About this time last year, I met one of my new best friends. We had a common friend who put two and two together and arranged for us to meet in the terminal. We were both on the red eye to New York City. We had that great conversation in the waiting area, boarded the flight, and connected again after we landed. We decided to share a cab into the city. It turned out to be one of my favorite experiences in the past year. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the way the sun was rising over Queens when we walked out of the terminal. There was that city haze, suggesting that it was going to be a warm and sunny day. Maybe it was the thick summer city air, blowing through the rolled down windows of the 1992 yellow cab we were in. Maybe it was the conversation, and how we just jumped, no dove right in like we’ve been friends for five years and are catching up after not seeing each other for a while. Maybe it was all the newness going on in my life at the time. I was in a really good place in my life. I was me. I was happy. I was hopeful. I was at peace with who I am and the baggage I carried. I looked to my future with giddiness and excitement. I was falling in...Maybe it was a combination of things, but a year later I can visualize the entire experience. We became friends for life in those moments. Magic!

My To Do List...

“I'll tell you what you wanna know, but boy you better listen close. People gonna tell you lies, don't let it come as a surprise..." – The Killers

So I got some crap about my last post regarding personal strategic plans (thanks for standing up for me Beck!) Not going to rehash that here, I’ll concede, what do I know? Maybe my life is all screwed up because I don’t have a master strategic plan. All I know is that one hour I want to stay in my current role, the next, I want to take that other opportunity. Maybe, just maybe, if I had a Master Strategic Plan, the decision I should make would be in there! Like I said, what do I know? To make it up to you, I’d like to declare that, although I might not like strategic plans, I LOVE lists! Lists are an incredible self-motivating tool! Is there anything that feels better than crossing a line through an item on a list you have? Is there anything that gives you more hope and satisfaction than comparing yourself against some list you read somewhere? Does it really matter where that list comes from or who created it? We could CARE LESS! If we read the list and we assess ourselves positively against it, it’s a credible, well-established source. If we don’t do so hot, well, “it’s a stupid list and it doesn’t mean anything!” I recently came across a list I liked. It was in Esquire a few months ago, the “75 Things Every Man Should Know How To Do.” I thought it would be fun to highlight some of the things on that list and “rate” myself against it. I don’t know if having 90% of the skills listed makes me a man, but I’m sure the list came from a credible source…
A man should be able to:

Give advice that matters in one sentence

Does, “yo, I wouldn’t eat that if I were you” count? I think I give OK advice, but it usually takes me 3-4 days worth of talking. Need to work on this one.

Tell if someone is lying

OK, this one I do better than I let on. My problem is that I have a hard time calling them on it. For example, there was this one time when someone gave me three or four stories on why they didn’t call me when they told me they would, “the dog had a heart attack, then I fell asleep while I was giving the dog mouth to mouth, and when I woke up and reached for my phone, I realized the dog wasn’t having a heart attack, she actually ate the phone, and that’s why I’m calling you at one in the morning…” See, I didn’t fall for that one. You can’t pass one by me! I knew they were with someone else, or at the very least, doing something they didn’t want me to know about…and I knew every time they lied, I could see it in their eyes.

Take a picture

Don’t you think this one depends? A picture of a flower, or a group of friends, sure! A picture of the model sitting next to me on the flight home from Miami without her realizing it, well there I need a LOT more practice…

Score a baseball game

Why? I can follow the game on my iPhone App. "So anyway, I'm glad we're at the game and have seven hours to talk..." "Shhh, don't talk to me, I'm scoring the game and need to concentrate!" 1934 called, it’s looking for someone to score the game cause Billy Bob, the official score keeper, is past out drunk.

Name a book that matters

If you said, The Secret, please do not subscribe to this blog. Recent: The Road, Personal Growth: Orbiting the Giant Hairball. Best book on life I have ever read!

Know one musical group as well as possible

I’m sorry, New Kids on the Block does not count, even if you had the bed sheets and lunch box. For me, it’s U2 (OK, Ricky Martin).

Cook meat somewhere other than the grill

Does a microwave count? If it does, I’d like to nominate the 1lb Hungry Man Turkey Dinner.

Not monopolize the conversation

Ok, we found a weak spot. I’ve gotten better over the years and will continue to do so but I’m guilty of not doing this well in the past (thanks to those who have helped me). It comes from feeling like I don’t belong in the room but I’m STARTING to get that maybe, just maybe, I do…

Write a letter

“Dear Chezzwhaga,
Thank you for the nice letter you sent me. Also, thank you for sending me a picture. I was going to say that I love the sweater you are wearing but then I realized you were naked. Although I appreciate the kind words, I do not love you and asking me to marry you seems a bit fast…”

Buy a suit

One word: Armani, maybe it’s me, but you just feel 30% sexier in it, and if you don’t think it shows, you’re crazy…

Swim three different strokes

The first time my daughter beat me free style in a 25mm race was the day I quit swimming. She was nine. Doesn’t hurt that she’s got the 4th fastest high school breast stroke time in the state (damn right I’m bragging)

Throw a punch

Growing up where I did, this was a skill you wanted to develop at a very early age. If not, picking yourself up off the ground was the second most important skill to learn. The cool thing about being able to throw a punch is that when you are confronted eye to eye with some jerk, 97% the time, he can just look in your eyes and can tell that you can throw one. Has kept me out of a fight since I was 21.

Chop down a tree

“Hey, how are you? What’s your name? Tell you something about me? Well, I know how
to chop down a tree.” I don’t get it.

Calculate square footage

Ask this question the next time you interview a candidate where you work. If they can’t answer it, don’t hire them! I just saved you at LEAST a 100K!

Tie a bow tie

Yes! Damn I can’t do this one! Free dinner to the person who can teach me!

Make one drink, in large batches, very well

Or at least have a friend that knows how to do this! What’s that drink called Carl? Please teach me to make it! Speaking of which, when is the next party! That drink turns any nice party into a scene out of Animal House in a hurry.

Speak a foreign language

Yes, I can speak Spanish and I really don’t care if you don’t believe it. You know who you are. Want to test it? Take me to Cabo…

Approach a woman out of my league

EVERY woman I approach is out of my league. Wait, I mean out of reach!

Sew a button

Not only can I sow a button, I can hem an entire skirt! Don’t ask. It’s enough to say, you never would guess that skill would turn you into a hero in the eyes of your daughter.

Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer

As evident by the time I spent this week with my European friends, the problem with this one is that I usually agree with what they have to say. Yes, it’s absolutely ridiculous to see someone in a Burger King order a double Whopper with Cheese and a Diet Coke. It is sad that the average American spends an hour in the IMAX Theater watching a movie about the Grand Canyon and 19 actual minutes AT the Grand Canyon.

Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn’t have to ask after it

You’re supposed to ask? If you are asking, you need some help. Get it quickly before she finds someone who doesn’t ask.

Drive an eight-penny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it

Very few things feel better than spending a weekend putting in hardwood floors, or putting up a ceiling, or building a fence. These are just some of the things I would list as accomplishments, work I’m proud of. Besides, ask the ladies, does a guy look better than when he has on dirty jeans, a tank top, and a tool belt?

Play go fish with a kid

My take and yardstick on this topic is this: at the end of spending time with your kid, they should be asking you to put them to bed because you wore them down. It doesn’t happen all the time, but few things feel as good and as exhausting.

Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the term nutty, fruity, oaky

Those are the key words I listen for at dinner to identify the people who know shit about wine.

Make three different bets at the craps table

I’ve had at least twelve people explain this game to me and I have no idea what they are talking about. Help, I’m stuck on stupid.

Tell a joke

I can do eight minutes of stand up material in front of a group of strangers but I can’t remember the punch line to “a priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar…” I don’t know why.

Know when to split cards in Blackjack

This is what I know about blackjack. When I play in Vegas on Friday afternoon, I walk away with $200 in my pocket. Then I play again Sunday morning at 3:00 AM after drinking all night and I lose $400. I can’t figure out why.

Ask for help

Given the fact that I’ve been on my own since I was 10, this one is really hard to do for me. I’ll work on it.

Tell a woman’s dress size

General rule here – low numbers good, high numbers bad, no matter what her size is. Pick up a Barbie Doll dress and say, “try this on, looks like your size.” Trust me!

Recite one poem from memory

“Jack went up the hill” doesn’t count. Another one I need to put on my list.

Say no

Don’t you think this one depends? “hey, will you help me move out of my 5 bedroom home in the middle of July in Phoenix,” is on the other side of, “hey, I know we just met, but will you drive me back to your place so I can stay with you, but I need to make sure I can get up in the morning, I’m in the Miss Tropicana Beauty Pageant.” One is a clear no.

Fry an egg sunny side up

Or make a home cooked breakfast of any kind. You want a sure fire way of making sure she doesn’t come back next weekend, pop a Eggo in the toaster…

Point to the north at any time I’m going to fight you on the speaking a foreign language, but give you that I’m directionally challenged. “It’s eight blocks from the Empire State Building” doesn’t work in Yuma. I just point straight and live with the ¼ odds of being right.

Create a play list of seemingly random songs provide a message to one person

If you have ever received a mix tape from me, you know that this is true. Yea, that’s right, I said mix tape! Wanna go through my Rolodex?

Explain what a light year is

Another good interview question. Also applicable with some girl you just started seeing. That is if you are into that “smart” thing. If not, just explain that it is a year with less calories.

Write a thank you note

Someone recently taught me (through example, which is the only way I learn) how to do this. Much better at it and it goes a long way! Wrote two today! One last tip, paper is better.

//side note: what a nice surprise to come home and find that by my door. How did you know I was having a long day? Thanks for making me smile :) I needed it//

Be brand loyal to at least one brand

Just make sure the brand uses child labor and burns holes in the Ozone? Are we still doing that? Did you notice that we stopped talking about the “Ozone?” Did we patch it up or something?

Shake hands

So I try not to judge people as soon as I meet them, but sometimes I can’t help it. The quickest way for me to determine that you are a wimp/ass/untrustworthy/doormat/etc/ is to take my hand and shake it like you are picking up a baby goldfish. You want my respect? Firm, sharp, and concise. By the way, does anyone know where hand shaking came from? Oh wait, I’m being that know it all again…sorry!

Know some birds

I know I’m on the East Coast when I see pigeons. I know I’m on the West Coast when I see seagulls. Am I missing something here?

Negotiate a price

We are the only people in the industrial nation that pays the price someone asks us to pay. Somehow, this rule doesn’t apply to cars, and I’m not sure why. I negotiate the price of gum! Want to have some fun with the grocery check out girl? Let her scan $200 worth of groceries, then tell her you only have $40 and need her help figuring out what you should put back.

Find his way out of the woods if lost

Given the fact that I thought Yonkers was the woods, this is the one I’m never going to get and I have the greatest chance of dying from. I can’t drive on a recently paved road with no lanes! This is the only reason I am in complete favor of someone implanting a GPS microchip in my head! I have no idea where we are; I’m pushing the GPS button!

Personal Development Plans, sure…

“Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family, we best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse, I wish I could tell the world cause you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly, I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body
Ooh this could be messy and, Ooh I don't seem to mind, Ooh don't go telling everybody, and overlook this supposed crime” - Alanis Morissette


I’m not a big fan of personal strategic planning. I’m talking about the crazy folks who go sit naked in the forest for five days every year to create their spreadsheets and presentation style documents containing their five-year life plan. I don’t even believe in the “this is what I want to accomplish this year” plan. Actually, I don’t necessarily believe in “this is what I want to accomplish this weekend” plan. I find them a waste of time. There is an old saying my grandmother used to use, “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” I’m not judging those who do this. We’re all different and what doesn’t work for me, might work perfectly for someone else. I have a BFF who has a PowerPoint deck with something like 65 pages of what she’s going to personally accomplish quarter by quarter this year. I believe I’m scheduled to give her positive feedback in Q3, on a Thursday afternoon. I love the girl to death (and one of my favorite people walking around the earth with a thick PowerPoint deck under her arm). I LOVE reading the plan, which reminds me, I’m sure she has it scheduled to come out at the same time every year. I have to ask her about that so I can put it on my calendar, block out a weekend to read through it, and laugh my ass off. Seriously, it seems to work for her and I think half the reason I’m fascinated with her is because it does.

//side note: I believe her fiancé knew he was scheduled to propose to her in 08 Q3 and he met his target date. Nothing like a guy who you can count on for producing deliverables//

For me however, I can’t look back at last year and tell you that this is where I thought I’d be personally. Even professionally, I don’t know if I could have predicted what I’m working on today.

Life changes on a dime and I LOVE it that way. In fact, last night at the Arizona Democratic National Dinner, I was offered a career opportunity that I am actually considering. I didn’t see it coming and I felt my life change on a dime while she was telling me about it. I stopped talking about it because I was on my third glass of wine and if it was brought up again, I would have said yes on the spot. That’s how good the offer is. I’m not going to say what the opportunity is, but I will tell you that it’s for about 30% LESS than I’m making today, and where I work isn’t a sweatshop. Not only does life change on a dime, if you already figured out what you’re going to do in the next 12 months, what’s the point of living life? It’s already done. I like the mystery and surprises that life brings. I love not knowing what’s going to happen. If you read my bio, and the things I accomplished (which are equal to nothing yet because I have so much more to do!) and the places I’ve worked, it reads like a pretty good career, not too shabby. The problem is that not one single thing on that list was planned.

In the last three weeks, I’ve had some major life changing events take place.

//side note: many of you have come up to me, or have written to me, expressing your concern at how crappy I look or how out of it I seem. I love the fact that you noticed it and yes, I’ve been feeling like that lately but wanted you to know that I’ll be OK and that there soon will be more good days than bad and the good days will be longer. Thanks for your concern//

Actually, this weekend brought some paradigm shifting events, observations, and occurrences, which have my life on a completely different trajectory than it was just three weeks ago, and to tell you the truth, it’s exciting. Three things I did in the last three weeks that wouldn’t have shown up on some plan I created. Three upcoming opportunities (including going to the DMC in Denver) wouldn’t have shown up on some plan, yet they are, all amazing things that I CAN’T wait to do.

What I do believe in are guidelines. The problem is that life’s guidelines can only be created with experience. So if you plan your life using your PowerPoint strategy, the guidelines you come up with will be based on those experiences, the ones you created. The cool thing about not having a plan and taking life as it comes, is that you get to use those experiences to determine what you like, what you don’t like, and what you are looking for in the future. One of the most misleading pieces of advice anyone can give you is, “opportunity will knock on your door.” No, it won’t. Sometimes, it just sits right on your doormat and never bothers knocking. You wouldn’t know it was there unless you opened the door. Then you realize you have a million doors to open. Which one do you open? Sometimes opportunity sits next to you in a waiting room, and not only doesn’t introduce themselves as Mr. Opportunity, he just sits there and waits for you to make the move. Sometimes opportunity walks right into your life, spends a year with you, and then walks out. The problem is you don’t know if you’re supposed to chase it down the street so you don’t lose it, or if you’re supposed to let it go so the next opportunity can show up. This might all seem stressful, but it’s what life is all about. It’s absolutely remarkably beautiful!

Based on the experiences I’ve had in my career, I know what kind of job I like and what kind of work I want to do. If you asked me 10 years ago what kind of organization I want to work for, my answer would be different than it is today. The same applies to relationships. I can look back now on my life and tell you what my guidelines are for what I’m looking for (if you’re interested, I’ll post those in the future if I get enough responses – they are VERY specific but I would call them minimum qualifications). These guidelines are based on years of love, pain, tears, laughter, heartache, conversations, road trips, meeting family members, watching them around other people, and so on.

Luckily for me, I’m not the only one who lives life this way. I’m sure the last two women I’ve had a long term deep emotional relationship with didn’t have “I’m looking for a Latino with father abandonment issues, who is at least 12 years older than me. He needs to be divorced, have at least two kids, one which needs to be a teenager, is a workaholic, and a little unstable, perceived as arrogant a plus” on their 65 page PowerPoint strategic plan. I wonder if they feel as lucky as I do that they didn’t…

“why would I sabotage, the best thing that I have? Well, it makes it easier to know exactly what I want” – Snow Patrol