Darkness in the Night

“And so she woke up, from where she was lying still, said we got to do something about where were going…step on a steam train, step out of the driving train, maybe run from the darkness in the night…” – U2

The conventional wisdom among those of us who are referred to as “road warrior” is that red eyes are the worst flights to take. They usually take off late. The flights are never long enough to get a full nights rest. People take their shoes off (please stop that, seriously!) and generally smell bad. I can go on and on and on with all the reasons I hear why red eyes are terrible. There is genuine ill feeling when it comes to that late evening flight. I however do not share this sentiment.

//side note: I’m not sure where the term “road warrior” came from but, like the yellow short sleeve with a tie look, it needs to go away! Anyone who wears Levi Kaki Pants, a blackberry attached to their belt, and one of those dorky Bluetooth headsets coming out their ear does not deserve to have the word “warrior” associated to what they do in ANY WAY. I’m embarrassed to be associated with the name. The danger of a potential paper cut does not a warrior make//

I actually love red eyes. I never really thought about why until tonight but there is something about red eyes that make me feel like I’m escaping, cloaked in the cover of darkness. One early evening I’m in Phoenix having drinks with you on a patio, the next morning when you call, I’m in Boston. Magic! There is something about taking off and taking flight while everyone else is brushing their teeth and coming up with excuses as to why they can’t have sex with their partner, missing yet another moment in life they’ll never get back. Something about the bizarreness of how everything looks and feels like it does when you fly during the day, but it’s not. It’s quite. It’s peaceful. People keep to themselves, they are nicer, they smile more, like we all have this “need to suffer through the red eye” bond. I’ve had the most interesting conversations in the waiting area. There is also something cool about sitting in the dark plane, looking out the window into the night, watching the moon bounce on the clouds she lights up. Magic!

My favorite part of the experience is waking up the city you are visiting. Just as we start descending, you catch a glimpse of the sun rising on the horizon. The colors of the sunrise from the air are breathless, and it is the only time I look out the window of my exit row seat. You come out of the terminal, the city is just walking up and you get to see what she “looks like in the morning.” Isn’t it the first time you wake up with her when you decide, “yea, this might be the one” or, "oh, there's no way I'm waking up with her next to me again." When it's the former, every morning after that is proof that you and her have a special kind of relationship, one in which you wake up together to take on the world. These are the moments, just as the city wakes up, before anything of significance happens, in which you can see her true colors, without the make up, without the hair all done up, without all the masks and costumes. You get to see her, who she really is. I love those moments.

About this time last year, I met one of my new best friends. We had a common friend who put two and two together and arranged for us to meet in the terminal. We were both on the red eye to New York City. We had that great conversation in the waiting area, boarded the flight, and connected again after we landed. We decided to share a cab into the city. It turned out to be one of my favorite experiences in the past year. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the way the sun was rising over Queens when we walked out of the terminal. There was that city haze, suggesting that it was going to be a warm and sunny day. Maybe it was the thick summer city air, blowing through the rolled down windows of the 1992 yellow cab we were in. Maybe it was the conversation, and how we just jumped, no dove right in like we’ve been friends for five years and are catching up after not seeing each other for a while. Maybe it was all the newness going on in my life at the time. I was in a really good place in my life. I was me. I was happy. I was hopeful. I was at peace with who I am and the baggage I carried. I looked to my future with giddiness and excitement. I was falling in...Maybe it was a combination of things, but a year later I can visualize the entire experience. We became friends for life in those moments. Magic!

My To Do List...

“I'll tell you what you wanna know, but boy you better listen close. People gonna tell you lies, don't let it come as a surprise..." – The Killers

So I got some crap about my last post regarding personal strategic plans (thanks for standing up for me Beck!) Not going to rehash that here, I’ll concede, what do I know? Maybe my life is all screwed up because I don’t have a master strategic plan. All I know is that one hour I want to stay in my current role, the next, I want to take that other opportunity. Maybe, just maybe, if I had a Master Strategic Plan, the decision I should make would be in there! Like I said, what do I know? To make it up to you, I’d like to declare that, although I might not like strategic plans, I LOVE lists! Lists are an incredible self-motivating tool! Is there anything that feels better than crossing a line through an item on a list you have? Is there anything that gives you more hope and satisfaction than comparing yourself against some list you read somewhere? Does it really matter where that list comes from or who created it? We could CARE LESS! If we read the list and we assess ourselves positively against it, it’s a credible, well-established source. If we don’t do so hot, well, “it’s a stupid list and it doesn’t mean anything!” I recently came across a list I liked. It was in Esquire a few months ago, the “75 Things Every Man Should Know How To Do.” I thought it would be fun to highlight some of the things on that list and “rate” myself against it. I don’t know if having 90% of the skills listed makes me a man, but I’m sure the list came from a credible source…
A man should be able to:

Give advice that matters in one sentence

Does, “yo, I wouldn’t eat that if I were you” count? I think I give OK advice, but it usually takes me 3-4 days worth of talking. Need to work on this one.

Tell if someone is lying

OK, this one I do better than I let on. My problem is that I have a hard time calling them on it. For example, there was this one time when someone gave me three or four stories on why they didn’t call me when they told me they would, “the dog had a heart attack, then I fell asleep while I was giving the dog mouth to mouth, and when I woke up and reached for my phone, I realized the dog wasn’t having a heart attack, she actually ate the phone, and that’s why I’m calling you at one in the morning…” See, I didn’t fall for that one. You can’t pass one by me! I knew they were with someone else, or at the very least, doing something they didn’t want me to know about…and I knew every time they lied, I could see it in their eyes.

Take a picture

Don’t you think this one depends? A picture of a flower, or a group of friends, sure! A picture of the model sitting next to me on the flight home from Miami without her realizing it, well there I need a LOT more practice…

Score a baseball game

Why? I can follow the game on my iPhone App. "So anyway, I'm glad we're at the game and have seven hours to talk..." "Shhh, don't talk to me, I'm scoring the game and need to concentrate!" 1934 called, it’s looking for someone to score the game cause Billy Bob, the official score keeper, is past out drunk.

Name a book that matters

If you said, The Secret, please do not subscribe to this blog. Recent: The Road, Personal Growth: Orbiting the Giant Hairball. Best book on life I have ever read!

Know one musical group as well as possible

I’m sorry, New Kids on the Block does not count, even if you had the bed sheets and lunch box. For me, it’s U2 (OK, Ricky Martin).

Cook meat somewhere other than the grill

Does a microwave count? If it does, I’d like to nominate the 1lb Hungry Man Turkey Dinner.

Not monopolize the conversation

Ok, we found a weak spot. I’ve gotten better over the years and will continue to do so but I’m guilty of not doing this well in the past (thanks to those who have helped me). It comes from feeling like I don’t belong in the room but I’m STARTING to get that maybe, just maybe, I do…

Write a letter

“Dear Chezzwhaga,
Thank you for the nice letter you sent me. Also, thank you for sending me a picture. I was going to say that I love the sweater you are wearing but then I realized you were naked. Although I appreciate the kind words, I do not love you and asking me to marry you seems a bit fast…”

Buy a suit

One word: Armani, maybe it’s me, but you just feel 30% sexier in it, and if you don’t think it shows, you’re crazy…

Swim three different strokes

The first time my daughter beat me free style in a 25mm race was the day I quit swimming. She was nine. Doesn’t hurt that she’s got the 4th fastest high school breast stroke time in the state (damn right I’m bragging)

Throw a punch

Growing up where I did, this was a skill you wanted to develop at a very early age. If not, picking yourself up off the ground was the second most important skill to learn. The cool thing about being able to throw a punch is that when you are confronted eye to eye with some jerk, 97% the time, he can just look in your eyes and can tell that you can throw one. Has kept me out of a fight since I was 21.

Chop down a tree

“Hey, how are you? What’s your name? Tell you something about me? Well, I know how
to chop down a tree.” I don’t get it.

Calculate square footage

Ask this question the next time you interview a candidate where you work. If they can’t answer it, don’t hire them! I just saved you at LEAST a 100K!

Tie a bow tie

Yes! Damn I can’t do this one! Free dinner to the person who can teach me!

Make one drink, in large batches, very well

Or at least have a friend that knows how to do this! What’s that drink called Carl? Please teach me to make it! Speaking of which, when is the next party! That drink turns any nice party into a scene out of Animal House in a hurry.

Speak a foreign language

Yes, I can speak Spanish and I really don’t care if you don’t believe it. You know who you are. Want to test it? Take me to Cabo…

Approach a woman out of my league

EVERY woman I approach is out of my league. Wait, I mean out of reach!

Sew a button

Not only can I sow a button, I can hem an entire skirt! Don’t ask. It’s enough to say, you never would guess that skill would turn you into a hero in the eyes of your daughter.

Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer

As evident by the time I spent this week with my European friends, the problem with this one is that I usually agree with what they have to say. Yes, it’s absolutely ridiculous to see someone in a Burger King order a double Whopper with Cheese and a Diet Coke. It is sad that the average American spends an hour in the IMAX Theater watching a movie about the Grand Canyon and 19 actual minutes AT the Grand Canyon.

Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn’t have to ask after it

You’re supposed to ask? If you are asking, you need some help. Get it quickly before she finds someone who doesn’t ask.

Drive an eight-penny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it

Very few things feel better than spending a weekend putting in hardwood floors, or putting up a ceiling, or building a fence. These are just some of the things I would list as accomplishments, work I’m proud of. Besides, ask the ladies, does a guy look better than when he has on dirty jeans, a tank top, and a tool belt?

Play go fish with a kid

My take and yardstick on this topic is this: at the end of spending time with your kid, they should be asking you to put them to bed because you wore them down. It doesn’t happen all the time, but few things feel as good and as exhausting.

Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the term nutty, fruity, oaky

Those are the key words I listen for at dinner to identify the people who know shit about wine.

Make three different bets at the craps table

I’ve had at least twelve people explain this game to me and I have no idea what they are talking about. Help, I’m stuck on stupid.

Tell a joke

I can do eight minutes of stand up material in front of a group of strangers but I can’t remember the punch line to “a priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar…” I don’t know why.

Know when to split cards in Blackjack

This is what I know about blackjack. When I play in Vegas on Friday afternoon, I walk away with $200 in my pocket. Then I play again Sunday morning at 3:00 AM after drinking all night and I lose $400. I can’t figure out why.

Ask for help

Given the fact that I’ve been on my own since I was 10, this one is really hard to do for me. I’ll work on it.

Tell a woman’s dress size

General rule here – low numbers good, high numbers bad, no matter what her size is. Pick up a Barbie Doll dress and say, “try this on, looks like your size.” Trust me!

Recite one poem from memory

“Jack went up the hill” doesn’t count. Another one I need to put on my list.

Say no

Don’t you think this one depends? “hey, will you help me move out of my 5 bedroom home in the middle of July in Phoenix,” is on the other side of, “hey, I know we just met, but will you drive me back to your place so I can stay with you, but I need to make sure I can get up in the morning, I’m in the Miss Tropicana Beauty Pageant.” One is a clear no.

Fry an egg sunny side up

Or make a home cooked breakfast of any kind. You want a sure fire way of making sure she doesn’t come back next weekend, pop a Eggo in the toaster…

Point to the north at any time I’m going to fight you on the speaking a foreign language, but give you that I’m directionally challenged. “It’s eight blocks from the Empire State Building” doesn’t work in Yuma. I just point straight and live with the ¼ odds of being right.

Create a play list of seemingly random songs provide a message to one person

If you have ever received a mix tape from me, you know that this is true. Yea, that’s right, I said mix tape! Wanna go through my Rolodex?

Explain what a light year is

Another good interview question. Also applicable with some girl you just started seeing. That is if you are into that “smart” thing. If not, just explain that it is a year with less calories.

Write a thank you note

Someone recently taught me (through example, which is the only way I learn) how to do this. Much better at it and it goes a long way! Wrote two today! One last tip, paper is better.

//side note: what a nice surprise to come home and find that by my door. How did you know I was having a long day? Thanks for making me smile :) I needed it//

Be brand loyal to at least one brand

Just make sure the brand uses child labor and burns holes in the Ozone? Are we still doing that? Did you notice that we stopped talking about the “Ozone?” Did we patch it up or something?

Shake hands

So I try not to judge people as soon as I meet them, but sometimes I can’t help it. The quickest way for me to determine that you are a wimp/ass/untrustworthy/doormat/etc/ is to take my hand and shake it like you are picking up a baby goldfish. You want my respect? Firm, sharp, and concise. By the way, does anyone know where hand shaking came from? Oh wait, I’m being that know it all again…sorry!

Know some birds

I know I’m on the East Coast when I see pigeons. I know I’m on the West Coast when I see seagulls. Am I missing something here?

Negotiate a price

We are the only people in the industrial nation that pays the price someone asks us to pay. Somehow, this rule doesn’t apply to cars, and I’m not sure why. I negotiate the price of gum! Want to have some fun with the grocery check out girl? Let her scan $200 worth of groceries, then tell her you only have $40 and need her help figuring out what you should put back.

Find his way out of the woods if lost

Given the fact that I thought Yonkers was the woods, this is the one I’m never going to get and I have the greatest chance of dying from. I can’t drive on a recently paved road with no lanes! This is the only reason I am in complete favor of someone implanting a GPS microchip in my head! I have no idea where we are; I’m pushing the GPS button!

Personal Development Plans, sure…

“Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family, we best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse, I wish I could tell the world cause you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly, I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body
Ooh this could be messy and, Ooh I don't seem to mind, Ooh don't go telling everybody, and overlook this supposed crime” - Alanis Morissette


I’m not a big fan of personal strategic planning. I’m talking about the crazy folks who go sit naked in the forest for five days every year to create their spreadsheets and presentation style documents containing their five-year life plan. I don’t even believe in the “this is what I want to accomplish this year” plan. Actually, I don’t necessarily believe in “this is what I want to accomplish this weekend” plan. I find them a waste of time. There is an old saying my grandmother used to use, “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” I’m not judging those who do this. We’re all different and what doesn’t work for me, might work perfectly for someone else. I have a BFF who has a PowerPoint deck with something like 65 pages of what she’s going to personally accomplish quarter by quarter this year. I believe I’m scheduled to give her positive feedback in Q3, on a Thursday afternoon. I love the girl to death (and one of my favorite people walking around the earth with a thick PowerPoint deck under her arm). I LOVE reading the plan, which reminds me, I’m sure she has it scheduled to come out at the same time every year. I have to ask her about that so I can put it on my calendar, block out a weekend to read through it, and laugh my ass off. Seriously, it seems to work for her and I think half the reason I’m fascinated with her is because it does.

//side note: I believe her fiancé knew he was scheduled to propose to her in 08 Q3 and he met his target date. Nothing like a guy who you can count on for producing deliverables//

For me however, I can’t look back at last year and tell you that this is where I thought I’d be personally. Even professionally, I don’t know if I could have predicted what I’m working on today.

Life changes on a dime and I LOVE it that way. In fact, last night at the Arizona Democratic National Dinner, I was offered a career opportunity that I am actually considering. I didn’t see it coming and I felt my life change on a dime while she was telling me about it. I stopped talking about it because I was on my third glass of wine and if it was brought up again, I would have said yes on the spot. That’s how good the offer is. I’m not going to say what the opportunity is, but I will tell you that it’s for about 30% LESS than I’m making today, and where I work isn’t a sweatshop. Not only does life change on a dime, if you already figured out what you’re going to do in the next 12 months, what’s the point of living life? It’s already done. I like the mystery and surprises that life brings. I love not knowing what’s going to happen. If you read my bio, and the things I accomplished (which are equal to nothing yet because I have so much more to do!) and the places I’ve worked, it reads like a pretty good career, not too shabby. The problem is that not one single thing on that list was planned.

In the last three weeks, I’ve had some major life changing events take place.

//side note: many of you have come up to me, or have written to me, expressing your concern at how crappy I look or how out of it I seem. I love the fact that you noticed it and yes, I’ve been feeling like that lately but wanted you to know that I’ll be OK and that there soon will be more good days than bad and the good days will be longer. Thanks for your concern//

Actually, this weekend brought some paradigm shifting events, observations, and occurrences, which have my life on a completely different trajectory than it was just three weeks ago, and to tell you the truth, it’s exciting. Three things I did in the last three weeks that wouldn’t have shown up on some plan I created. Three upcoming opportunities (including going to the DMC in Denver) wouldn’t have shown up on some plan, yet they are, all amazing things that I CAN’T wait to do.

What I do believe in are guidelines. The problem is that life’s guidelines can only be created with experience. So if you plan your life using your PowerPoint strategy, the guidelines you come up with will be based on those experiences, the ones you created. The cool thing about not having a plan and taking life as it comes, is that you get to use those experiences to determine what you like, what you don’t like, and what you are looking for in the future. One of the most misleading pieces of advice anyone can give you is, “opportunity will knock on your door.” No, it won’t. Sometimes, it just sits right on your doormat and never bothers knocking. You wouldn’t know it was there unless you opened the door. Then you realize you have a million doors to open. Which one do you open? Sometimes opportunity sits next to you in a waiting room, and not only doesn’t introduce themselves as Mr. Opportunity, he just sits there and waits for you to make the move. Sometimes opportunity walks right into your life, spends a year with you, and then walks out. The problem is you don’t know if you’re supposed to chase it down the street so you don’t lose it, or if you’re supposed to let it go so the next opportunity can show up. This might all seem stressful, but it’s what life is all about. It’s absolutely remarkably beautiful!

Based on the experiences I’ve had in my career, I know what kind of job I like and what kind of work I want to do. If you asked me 10 years ago what kind of organization I want to work for, my answer would be different than it is today. The same applies to relationships. I can look back now on my life and tell you what my guidelines are for what I’m looking for (if you’re interested, I’ll post those in the future if I get enough responses – they are VERY specific but I would call them minimum qualifications). These guidelines are based on years of love, pain, tears, laughter, heartache, conversations, road trips, meeting family members, watching them around other people, and so on.

Luckily for me, I’m not the only one who lives life this way. I’m sure the last two women I’ve had a long term deep emotional relationship with didn’t have “I’m looking for a Latino with father abandonment issues, who is at least 12 years older than me. He needs to be divorced, have at least two kids, one which needs to be a teenager, is a workaholic, and a little unstable, perceived as arrogant a plus” on their 65 page PowerPoint strategic plan. I wonder if they feel as lucky as I do that they didn’t…

“why would I sabotage, the best thing that I have? Well, it makes it easier to know exactly what I want” – Snow Patrol

“Meeting on the Hill"

“you can rob me of my sight, you can poison my bloodstream, but as long as I can dream, then life is worth living…” ~ Brett Dennen

The last time I was in Washington DC I was 16 years old. I was selected to attend a one-week program called the Presidential Classroom. I had the most amazing experience a 16 year old interested in history and government could ever have. It is the reason why I was a Political Science Major in College. It’s been a while since I’ve been here and I love this city. I’m coming back often. Who knows, if I’m lucky, I might be back in January and spend eight years here.

I spent most of Thursday afternoon and evening hoping someone would ask me as often times colleagues or friends ask, “what are you doing tomorrow?” or “what do you have going on tomorrow?” I answered all calls from friends and family (not typical behavior from me) just so I can hear a variation of that question. Nothing. No one asked. Then finally, at 12:30 AM as I was walking back to my hotel from a cool dinner with some new friends, my phone rang and it was Dan, after a few minutes of catching up on life, the question came, “so, what are you doing in DC tomorrow?” Finally! I answered, with a smile on my face, which I’m sure he could hear, “tomorrow? I have a meeting on the Hill.”

I met with Congressman Harry Mitchell, his Legislative Aid, and his Chief of Staff and it couldn’t have been scripted any better. We had a great meeting to discuss two projects I’m working on that would affect members of his district. I’m sure I’ll cover these in more detail at some point but for now it’s enough to describe the projects as one, a massive state wide role out of a “teach teachers how to use technology in classrooms to teach students (yes, I’ll come up with a simpler name at some point), and two, a “leveling the playing field” program aimed at identifying high potential 8th graders who can’t afford laptops and Internet access and empowering them with the technology at no cost to them. Harry Mitchell, being a teacher himself for 25 years, was thrilled with both ideas and jumped in with both feet.

I’ve been lucky enough to know Harry since he kicked JD Hayworth’s ass (ok, he won by three thousand votes) to take the AZ 5th away from him (and his nice forth floor office). I like Harry. He has an amazing soul. I’m not sure how I know how someone has a great soul but I can tell you that the seven or so people who I’ve met in my life who have one, all give me the same feeling when I talk to them. He reminds me of someone I want to be like. He just looks like he’s having fun no matter what he’s doing. He seems to be enjoying life, like the guy who just survived a massive heart attack and has a new lease on life, except Harry seems to remind himself that it is a lease everyday.

//side note: in the lavatory on the airplane it says, “this lavatory is equipped with a smoke detector for your protection.” I wondered, do you think they thought of equipping any other part of the airplane with a smoke detector?//

I had to fight my smile on the entire trip “to the Hill.” When I got into the cab and announced my destination. When we pulled around the corner and I saw nation’s capital and that breathtaking dome. As I walked through the halls, and read each and every Congressional Office plaque. As I sat with Congressman Mitchell and his staff. Finally, as I told my last joke, stood up, and walked out of his office. It was all an amazing experience for me. I know it sounds sappy. I know it sounds like I’m some naive delusional dreamer but I can’t help myself. Hi, my name is Jaime and I am a political junkie and I LOVE this stuff. More importantly, experiences like this humble me and make me realize just how lucky I am. It reminds me of all the people in my life that helped a first generation, single parent street kid from Hell’s Kitchen “have a meeting on the Hill.”